Grief Changes Us
"You have changed! You are not yourself anymore! I want the OLD YOU back!" These are samples of the hurtful statements heard by grievers following a loss. They may be true, but it hurts to hear them.
A loss can change everything about us from eating and sleeping habits, to our concentration and thought process. Grief changes us. That’s right! Do something that would cause them to smile, maybe even laugh out loud because they would enjoy it so much.
So, perhaps a fitting response to the hurtful comments would be "thank you for noticing, yes I have changed. My heart has been ripped from my chest, so I am not the same person. My life has changed. It does not mean it is wrong...just different. I am learning to live moment by moment with a big empty place in my life that no one can fill. So, thank you for noticing!"
It is amazing how often grievers are expected to bounce right back into the life they had before the death occurred. It does not happen, it cannot happen. Things have changed.
Allow yourself to experience changes in life. Change is normal and will occur in many areas. Recognize them and learn to make adjustments as necessary.
It can be a very good experience to list the things that have changed for you. Some changes will be forced upon you while others are intentional. Regardless, we grieve change.
Then when someone says "You have changed!", you will be able to say "You have NO IDEA how I have changed!".
Bob Willis, author
"A Guide for Grievers"
"JESUS: The CRUCIFIED CAREGIVER"
Including a picture of these touching sculptures in honor of Independence Day