"A MOURNING MOMENT" BY BOB WILLIS

NEVER COMPARE LOSSES

So why does it feel that some losses are more painful and different? Several factors can be involved: the closeness of the relationship,  the manner of death, other losses, and the age of the person who died. For instance, my dad died suddenly from a heart attack at age 73. Absolutely our family grieved, we were not through with that relationship. There were still things to be said and family events to enjoy. But, dad had achieved many of the expected life events.

With the death of a child there is a very important subject to be considered. (Remember, I am NOT comparing the grief...both are 100% losses). But parents suddenly realize the death of their child means no graduation, no career choices, no wedding, no grandchildren, and the loss of "expected" life events with this child. This can complicate the grief. There can be a sense of being robbed and cheated. These are known as "secondary losses", very significant. So, we should never compare losses but we should recognize that the secondary losses in a relationship can seem to be a heavier burden of grief.

Patience, respect, and understanding are necessary with all losses. We can do this.

​Bob Willis, author 
"A Guide for Grievers"