Truth about griefDuring this pandemic I have heard one common request..."just tell us the TRUTH"! When we are raising teenagers we often say..."just tell us the TRUTH"! When someone lies to us we lose trust and confidence in them.
I want to share some words I believe to be definite TRUTH. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler co-authored books and articles together on the subject of grief. Here is a quote from these experts that I believe to be absolute TRUTH: ... "The reality is that you WILL grieve forever. You WILL NOT "get over" the loss of a loved one; you WILL learn to live with it. You WILL heal, and you WILL rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You WILL be whole again, but you WILL NEVER be the same, nor should you be the same, nor would you want to be."
0 Comments
Grief Shapes UsJoe Smith has been the Potter at the Great Passion Play in Eureka Springs, Arkansas, for over 30 years. For the last 3 years I have worked alongside him to provide a pre-show for tourists.
Honestly, Joe amazes me! He throws a lump of clay onto a potters wheel and in less than 30 minutes has created a vessel...sharing his faith as he forms the clay. He is a gifted potter and communicator. ... I have noticed the vessel does not form itself, but it is shaped by the hands of the potter. The vessels are never perfect, each one is unique, each is one of a kind. I see grief doing that for us also. Remembering - favorite foods!Several years ago my father-in-law died in the hospital after a short illness. Of course the family was devastated and in shock.
His 3 granddaughters left the hospital earlier than other family members. When the family arrived home there was a welcome surprise for everyone. The 3 granddaughters had prepared a meal for the family that consisted of their grandfather's favorite food...chicken and dumplings! It was an act of love and honor for the family to ea...t the meal together while crying, laughing, and sharing memories of the man they loved. Is there a certain food item you can relate to your loved one? For the past few weeks we have dealt very heavily in the aspect of grief and loss. Today let's lighten things up a little. Let's think about those who have influenced our lives.
Over our lifetime we will meet many people. Some of these people will have a huge impact upon our lives emotionally and spiritually. Other than family members, can you name 3 people who have shaped your life? I will share the 3 that come to my mind this morning: Grief toolsIf I have only 1 opportunity to talk with a griever, I want to discuss the "heart" of the material I use. Completing these sentences will guide grief to become MOURNING:
* "I want to thank you for....." ... * "My fondest memory of you is....." * "I want to apologize to you for....." * "I forgive you for....." * "It feels good when I think of....." * "It hurts when I think of....." * "It makes me angry when....." * "I feel guilty when....." * "Something I always wanted to tell you was....." * "I wish I had....." * "I would like to have heard you say....." * "I want you to know....." Myths of GriefGrief and loss have been present since the days of Adam and Eve. They lost their innocence, animals died to provide covering for their bodies, and their son (Cain) killed his brother (Abel). Since those early days there have been myths about grief that need to be revealed.
Signs of a supportive relationshipWe each have a circle of friends that provide times of fun and enjoyment. But those same friends may not feel comfortable being around grief. They may not know what to say or do to support you at a time of loss. During our grief journey we need supportive relationships. How do we recognize them? Here are some key factors to look for:
... * they let you describe how you feel * they listen and hear your feelings * they try to understand your life circumstances * they accept ALL your moods, good or bad * they do not judge you * you can laugh with them, cry with them, or be silent around them * they genuinely seek to do what is best for you * since grief does not go by a calendar, they make themselves available when a need surfaces Applying the toolsYesterday I made the statement that the "tools" I shared are WORTHLESS until they are APPLIED. Just reading them will not soften the pain of grief. Their purpose is to guide the writing of grief feelings.
To live as a griever we must: ... * claim our circumstances instead of being claimed by them. * be able to have fond memories of our loved one without being overwhelmed with feelings of guilt or regret. * find new meaning to life without the fear of being abandoned. * agree it is OK to feel bad from time to time, and to talk about those feelings. * be able to forgive others when they say or do things you know are based on a lack of knowledge, understanding, or personal experience. Softening the Pain (cont)Today is the final session of presenting "tools" to soften the pain of loss. Imagine you could talk with your loved one again to express the words of your heart and mind.
... * "I wish I had....." * "Something I always wanted to tell you was....." * "I would like to have heard you say....." * "I want you to know....." Softening the Pain (cont.)As we continue with the thought of having another conversation with our loved one...complete these sentences with words or thoughts you would say to them. Express anything on your mind and heart. Write your responses in a private notebook, or you may reply here if you want others to see your responses:
... * "It feels GOOD when I think of....." * "It HURTS when I think of....." * "It makes me ANGRY when I think of....." * "I feel GUILTY when I think of....." |